Tuesday, April 21, 2015

Tuesday Truths

I admit .... I haven't been good about eating. I'll be on for a few days, and then I throw it out the window during the weekend. Or I have a good day... that ends in me "rewarding myself" with peanut butter straight out of the jar at home. Or my points refresh on Wednesday, and I eat all of my weekly points by Sunday, and then continue to go over until Wednesday. It's not good and this is a cycle I need to break.

I am... despite my food failures, killing it in the gym(s) on a near-daily basis. Still keeping up with ClassPass, and still taking 5-6 classes a week. I took yesterday off because I wasn't feeling too hot after traveling on Sunday, but I made up for it with an ass-kicking this morning at SWEAT via tabata-style workouts. I even ran treadmill sprints with no achilles pain!

I feel... the tiny familiar twinges I haven't felt in awhile. Of apathy when it comes to caring about what I eat. Of throwing my hands up and saying "eff it" every time I'm confronted with unhealthy choices. Of wanting to withdraw and just be alone instead of making plans with friends. I was diagnosed with depression my senior year of college, and while I've come a long way since then, every once in awhile I can feel those little feelings creeping back in. Work is good. Family is good. Friends are good. But still there are things that are making me feel mehhhhhh. My weight, for one. Social (read: dating) things, for another. But reacting as I have been is not going to make me any happier, and it certainly isn't getting me closer to my goals.   

I won't... continue to let myself fall back into old habits, and this path I've been on is a slippery slope. I know what it feels like to justify "rare" indulgences, which are actually not so rare. I know where that path leads, and I don't want to go back there. 

I am... a product of my choices, not of my circumstances.

I am... stronger than the obstacles that stand in my way.

6 comments:

  1. Oh my goodness. I really haven't the vocabulary to describe how perfectly brilliant this post was. Thank you so much for being honest, it resonated with me and I wish I could give you a massive hug and a magic wand. Tragically I can't so I guess you'll have to settle for a simple "thanks" and "you can do this, because you HAVE done this" xxx

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  2. Hugs for the time you're going through with food right now. I think anyone who has ever gone healthy can feel your apathy and frustration. Lovely post.

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  3. Aw, thanks Kirsty -- it means a lot! I keep reminding myself that I have done it before, I can do it again. I know once I'm in a groove it'll be easier to stay on track, but it's the transition from EATING FREE FOR ALL to reigning in bad habits that is the hard part!

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  4. I think everyone has resonated with some, if not all of truths you've mentioned, at some point in their lives. It was very uplifting to read that despite all the obstacles you've encountered along the way, whether it was a bad day, thought, or feeling, you don't let that stop you from achieving your goals.

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  5. I feel ya girl!! On for a couple of days and then I "treat" myself but it's not a rare thing so is it really a treat? But I know we both can do this. The choice is ours!

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  6. AMEN TWINSIE! I know how you feel. The struggle is REAL. Keep on, keepin' on. xoxx

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