I ate a big freaking slice of humble pie when I weighed in at nearly 180lbs last week. Seven months earlier I had been my strongest, fastest, slimmest adult self, and here I was having gained back nearly 20lbs. It's embarrassing. It's defeating. It sucks.
How had this happened? The exact same way I got to 228lbs in the first place. By letting myself order hash browns, when I really should've gotten fruit. By treating myself with takeout because I was too tired to cook. By buying a frozen pizza on the weekend, and then eating the whole thing in one setting. By eating a bagel on bagel Fridays at work, and then grabbing a munchkin or two on my way out of the kitchen.
It's not that I don't know better, because I do. It's not that I'm not working out, because I am. But I stopped caring about my eating habits like I should, and I stopped forcing myself to make the right choice when it wasn't easy. I gave in too many times. I lost the discipline that got me down to the low 160's, and it's really hard to acknowledge that. But I have to if I want to dig myself out of this hole.
Grace at From Fatty To is one of my favorite bloggers, because she's a fellow Weight Watcher, and because she's always honest about her successes and her struggles. She also posted the other day about the exact same reality I'm facing: gaining it back. I totally appreciate and completely sympathize with her thoughts, because this is the way I had to teach myself to think when I started this process in the first place:
"I have to learn to balance. IYes, we're about to enter the holiday season and it's the hardest time of year to be healthy. But this is also the same week I started my journey two years ago. If I don't start now, I will enter 2015 even heavier than I am now. Instead, I'm joining Grace on her pledge to get fit, right now, for 2015. As I said, my goal is to get to 165 before NYE. I won't end this year heavier than I started it, and the choice is mine.
can’twon’t give up my social outings, but I also [r e f u s e] to let my social life take pertinence over my physical and mental health."
If you were feeling alone, or ashamed, or defeated, or unaccountable, you don't have to be any of those things. If other people are interested (leave a comment!), I will host a Friday linkup to help everyone stay on track through the end of the year. If you want to talk about the pledge, use #fit4fifteen on Instagram/Twitter.
I will get fit for '15. Will you?