Friday, November 7, 2014

The Struggle Is Real

When you hear stories of someone who lost a large amount of weight and then gained a lot of it back, there are a few natural reactions: the horror of how could they possibly not realize what was happening? The smugness of "that will never happen to me." I'll admit I've had both of those thoughts... and then it did happen to me.

I ate a big freaking slice of humble pie when I weighed in at nearly 180lbs last week. Seven months earlier I had been my strongest, fastest, slimmest adult self, and here I was having gained back nearly 20lbs. It's embarrassing. It's defeating. It sucks.

How had this happened? The exact same way I got to 228lbs in the first place. By letting myself order hash browns, when I really should've gotten fruit. By treating myself with takeout because I was too tired to cook. By buying a frozen pizza on the weekend, and then eating the whole thing in one setting. By eating a bagel on bagel Fridays at work, and then grabbing a munchkin or two on my way out of the kitchen. 

It's not that I don't know better, because I do. It's not that I'm not working out, because I am. But I stopped caring about my eating habits like I should, and I stopped forcing myself to make the right choice when it wasn't easy. I gave in too many times. I lost the discipline that got me down to the low 160's, and it's really hard to acknowledge that. But I have to if I want to dig myself out of this hole.

Grace at From Fatty To is one of my favorite bloggers, because she's a fellow Weight Watcher, and because she's always honest about her successes and her struggles. She also posted the other day about the exact same reality I'm facing: gaining it back.  I totally appreciate and completely sympathize with her thoughts, because this is the way I had to teach myself to think when I started this process in the first place: 
"I have to learn to balance. I can’t won’t give up my social outings, but I also       [r e f u s e] to let my social life take pertinence over my physical and mental health."
Yes, we're about to enter the holiday season and it's the hardest time of year to be healthy. But this is also the same week I started my journey two years ago. If I don't start now, I will enter 2015 even heavier than I am now. Instead, I'm joining Grace on her pledge to get fit, right now, for 2015. As I said, my goal is to get to 165 before NYE. I won't end this year heavier than I started it, and the choice is mine.

If you were feeling alone, or ashamed, or defeated, or unaccountable, you don't have to be any of those things. If other people are interested (leave a comment!), I will host a Friday linkup to help everyone stay on track through the end of the year. If you want to talk about the pledge, use #fit4fifteen on Instagram/Twitter.

I will get fit for '15. Will you?


  1. IM IN! I just shared my dark ugly truth on my blog on Wednesday, Ive gained back too - Im over it and this week, despite the leftover Halloween Candy - ugh - I am getting back on track and it feels wonderful :) But, yes, count me in :) Im right here with you ok?

  2. I'm definitely in! It is so hard to keep the weight off. It's easy to get complacent, feel comfortable with your new body, and then just relax your eating and workouts habits. You do that long enough and the weight is back before you know it. I totally understand. I definitely need this challenge!

  3. Already told you earlier, I am IN. I'm facing the same realities and struggles. UGH! Let's do this!!!

  4. I would love a Friday link up! I too gained.. only I hardly lost anything to begin with so it's extra terrifying. I am the biggest I have ever been and HATE it. #firforfifteen is awesome!


  5. I am beyond excited that you're back, there may have been squealing, and I thin k this is a fantastic idea, I'm totally in!

  6. I'm in!!! It's now or never for me. And really now is a perfect time because why should I wait until the start of the new year to start taking better care of myself? The answer of course is that I shouldn't! Let's do this! #fitforfifteen :)

  7. Saw your guest post on OsJ and decided to follow you, I'm doing my weigh ins on Friday and updating my blog for "follow through Friday" and just love the #fitforfiteen motto! We're about the same weight right now so it'll be fun to cheer eachother on :)